Your Child Online

Computers have traditionally been trusted by both children and adults as reliable and accurate sources of information. The rapid growth of online services and Internet access has added a new dimension to modern computing. Through a computer modem and phone line children now have access to an almost endless supply of information and opportunity for interaction. However, there can be real risks and dangers for an unsupervised child.

Most online services give children resources such as encyclopedias, current events coverage, and access to libraries and other valuable material. They can also play games and communicate with friends. The ability to "click" from one area to another appeals to a child's natural impulsivity and curiosity and needs for immediate gratification or feedback.

Most parents teach their children not to talk with strangers, not to open the door if they are home alone, and not to give out information on the telephone to unknown callers. Most parents also monitor where their children go, whom they play with, and what TV shows, books, or magazines they are exposed to. However, many parents don't realize that the same level of guidance and supervision must be provided for a child's online experience.

Parents cannot assume that their child will be protected by the supervision or regulation provided by the online services. Most "chat rooms" or "news groups" are completely unsupervised. Because of the anonymous nature of the "screen name," children who communicate with others in these areas will not know if they are "talking" with another child or a child predator pretending to be a child or teen. Unlike the mail and visitors that a parent sees a child receive at home, e-mail or "chat room" activity is not seen by parents. Unfortunately, there can be serious consequences to children who have been persuaded to give personal information, (e.g., name, passwords, phone number, address) or have agreed to meet someone in person.

Some of the other risks or problems include:

  • children accessing areas that are inappropriate or overwhelming;

  • online information that promotes hate, violence, and pornography;

  • children being mislead and bombarded with intense advertising;

  • children being invited to register for prizes or to join a club when they are providing personal or household information to an unknown source; and

  • hours spent online is time lost from developing other social skills.

In order to make a child's online experience more safe and educational, parents should:

  • Always have the computer your child has access to in a public place in the home and have the screen so it is in easy view. This alone, will cut down the likely hood that a child will go place that are not supposed to go;

  • Install on computers used by the child firewall software that is able to monitor and log what sites were visited and when. The firewall should also allow you to control what times the Internet can be accessed. Two popular firewalls are ZoneLab's ZoneAlarm Pro 3.0 and Sygate's Personal Firewall Pro 5.0. Whichever firewall you choose, make sure you can configure the software so it can only be changed by you and cannot be easily disabled;

  • Limit the amount of time a child spends online and "surfing the web";

  • teach a child that talking to "screen names" in a "chat room" is the same as talking with strangers;

  • Teach a child never to give out any personal identifying information to another individual or web site online;

  • Teach a child to never agree to actually meet someone they have met online;

  • Never give a child credit card numbers or passwords that will enable online purchases or access to inappropriate services or sites;

  • Remind a child that not everything they see or read online is true;

  • Make use of the parental control features offered with your online service, or obtaining commercially available software programs, to restrict access to "chat lines," newsgroups, and inappropriate web sites;

  • Never give your child your administrative password(s) but always try to have their password(s);

  • Provide for an e-mail address only if a child is mature enough to manage it, and plan to periodically monitor the child's e-mail and online activity;

  • Teach a child to use the same courtesy in communicating with others online as they would if speaking in person -- i.e., no vulgar or profane language, no name calling, etc.; and

  • Insist that a child follow the same guidelines at other computers that they might have access to, such as those at school, libraries, or friend's homes.

Parents should remember that communicating online does not prepare children for real interpersonal relationships. Spending time with a child initially exploring an online service and periodically participating with a child in the online experience gives parents an opportunity to monitor and supervise the activity. It is also an opportunity to learn together.

At the Counseling Corner we have seen a significant increase in the amount of cases that have Internet issues as part of the dysfunction.  We have seen young children visiting cartoon pornography, regular pornography, posting pictures of themselves on the Internet, posting inappropriate photos of themselves on-line, chatting with very troubled or mentally ill individuals, and getting involved in unhealthy relationships online and then agreeing to meet the individual. We have also seen an increase in addictive type behaviors when it comes to the Internet. Some children will spend most of their time on-line if allowed the opportunity. When children do this they tend to miss out on important other activities and relationships and soon after depression begins to develop. 

We have therapists who specialize in treating these issues and helping families limit the risk for abuse when using the Internet.