Somatic Therapy for Men Who Were Taught Not to Feel
By Judith Allen, DSW, LCSW·The Counseling Corner, Orlando, FL
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
“I can handle a lot of work stress, but I cannot handle the stress in my relationships.”
“I get irritable a lot, but you will never catch me being vulnerable.”
“I don’t usually ‘feel’ anything, but then I do end up exploding sometimes.”
“I was always taught ‘to be a man’ and never really paid attention to my emotions.”
These are statements that I have heard a lot when working with men at The Counseling Corner in Orlando and Central Florida. These thoughts stem from an individual’s upbringing and the messages taught at younger ages. Even aspects of society support these beliefs for men, highlighting messages like “man up”, “don’t cry”, “be tough”, or “deal with it”. Boys and men have historically been conditioned to suppress their emotions in a way to enhance masculinity. When this happens, feelings are not eliminated, but they are redirected into the body and into the nervous system. Emotional suppression can be a learned survival strategy for many, and it becomes normalized. Historically, for boys and men, emotional disconnection is learned, reinforced, role modeled, and rewarded. Sometimes generational patterns support these ideas with fathers and adult male role models who have never expressed emotions.
Understanding Alexithymia and Emotional Suppression
This form of suppression or a ‘manly’ attitude creates an atmosphere where emotions are difficult to understand. This is a trait known as alexithymia, which is Greek in origin and translates as “lacking words for emotions”. You can have many emotions inside, but it is too difficult to identify and understand them, which makes it more difficult to express them. Common challenges that result from alexithymia include difficulty regulating emotions, emotional distancing, discomfort in social situations, lack of empathy, fear of intimacy, and inability to be vulnerable. Emotional expression might be seen as a vulnerability or a weakness, bringing shame to the individual who shows their feelings. This learning has fueled the “culture of masculinity” that boys and men are raised in. Maybe it was adaptive in childhood, but it has now become very restrictive in adulthood.
When the Body Carries What the Mind Avoids
The human body will still carry what the mind chooses to avoid (in this case, emotions). Even when we think we've pushed difficult emotions aside or "dealt with them" mentally, our bodies often tell a different story. The nervous system responds to all thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a continuous way, and can show up in ways we don't immediately connect to our emotional health. Chronic muscle tension, irritability, fatigue, and insomnia are common signs that the body is carrying more than we realize. Some people experience emotional numbness or find themselves becoming fiercely independent, avoiding support, and feeling uncomfortable relying on others. Others struggle to truly relax, have sudden anger outbursts, or emotionally shut down during conflict as a way of protecting themselves. In some cases, people turn to coping mechanisms like substance use or throw themselves into their work, using busyness and productivity to avoid uncomfortable emotions. While these responses can seem unrelated on the surface, they are often signals that the nervous system is still working to process emotional issues that the mind is trying to ignore. The body often experiences what a person was never given permission to say.
Emotional Disconnection Can Be Unlearned
Just to be clear, these are not only traits of boys and men, but they are human traits that can be experienced by anyone. Alexithymia is NOT a mental health disorder; it is a trait. It is something that has been learned and can be unlearned, especially with the assistance of a highly trained mental health professional like those at the Counseling Corner, Inc. You do not need to be in touch with your emotions or talk about your emotions in order to participate in therapy. You can learn strategies and coping skills by simply being more in touch with your body and your nervous system. This is the foundation of Somatic Therapy, which may be the answer you are looking for.
What Is Somatic Therapy
So, what exactly is Somatic Therapy, and what will it do for you? Somatic therapy is a way of exploring your emotions (or your mental state) through body awareness. We focus on recognizing how emotions affect your body, and learn how to notice those changes to prevent the long-term impact of dysfunctional mental/emotional challenges. Somatic therapy helps us to be in touch with our body, brain, and nervous system and can help men to reconnect with emotions they may have learned to suppress for survival, acceptance, or identity. Those who have learned to suppress emotions likely do not feel safe when expressing their emotions. Without the focus on emotions, Somatic Therapy can help you create that safety.
Common Somatic Therapy Techniques
Somatic Therapy techniques are about tuning into your body to understand and work through stress, trauma, and emotional tension. Instead of just talking things out, it focuses on how feelings show up physically and helps you notice them without judgment. Techniques can be as simple as grounding yourself in the present moment, paying attention to your breath, or noticing tightness, warmth, or other sensations in your body. Somatic therapists might guide you to track moments of activation - like when your heart races or muscles tense - or use gentle movement to release built-up energy in the body. Other tools, like orienting (checking in with your surroundings) and co-regulation (feeling supported through connection with another person), help your nervous system settle and feel safe. Basically, it’s a way of listening to your body’s story and giving it the attention it needs to feel a little lighter and more present.
Why Somatic Therapy Can Be Especially Helpful for Men
Somatic Therapy can be especially helpful to men who have learned to suppress their emotions or ‘man up’. This form of therapy does not require you to immediately articulate your emotions, but to gradually learn to recognize and understand your emotions on many levels. Somatic Therapy offers a safe approach that will eliminate shame and/or vulnerability. Somatic Therapy also emphasizes new learning about yourself and your body while helping you to recognize that having emotions is not a “flaw”. If you tell yourself things like “I don’t know what I am feeling”, “I just get angry”, “I shut down”, or “I go numb”, then Somatic Therapy can be a strategy that will help you decode these messages. Some men struggle to verbally access their emotions, but you may be able to find success when you access physical experiences more safely.
The Impact of Emotional Suppression on Relationships
I previously addressed some consequences of suppressed emotions, including survival strategies, generational dysfunction being passed down, and alexithymia. Additionally, one of the greatest consequences of suppressed emotions is relationship problems, and even intimacy problems. Suppressed emotions lead to difficulty in expressing one’s needs, difficulty giving and receiving affection, being emotionally unavailable, withdrawing during conflict, and not being one’s true self to allow for vulnerability. Many men were taught how to physically perform through strength, but never how to express emotions and experience emotional safety. Suppressed emotions will lead to communication problems, which is one of the top challenges in all relationships. Suppressed anger or resentment can come from these suppressed feelings. You may even feel uncertain about the relationship because of stuffed emotions, unresolved problems, and even problems that keep reoccurring in the relationship.
The Physical Health Consequences of Emotional Suppression
One more important thing to note is that suppressing emotions can lead to physical health problems. You have probably heard that “anxiety is the silent killer”. When the emotions are habitually suppressed and not addressed, the body itself is in a more stressed state. The body absorbs these emotions. It reacts to these unresolved emotions, and the nervous system holds on to them. Research has shown that individuals with unprocessed emotions are more likely to have physical health problems such as chronic pain, headaches, digestive problems, and cardiovascular problems. Not only can these suppressed emotions lead to these physical health issues, they can exacerbate other health problems including diabetes, cancer, and other chronic conditions.
Why More Men Are Seeking Somatic Therapy
Somatic Therapy is not a new approach, but it has become more popular. Even though this is a buzz-word right now in mental health, Somatic Therapy can truly help you to regulate your nervous system so that you can lead a healthy, productive, and emotionally regulated life. If you feel that you have had struggles with any of these challenges, then Somatic Therapy can be a way to help you be more in touch with yourself, your relationships, and even regulate your mental/ emotional state. Being in touch with your body can help you be more in touch with your intimate partners. Managing your emotions in a more productive way can also boost your overall health and well-being.
What Should I Do Next
If you feel that Somatic Therapy may be for you, then let the staff and amazing therapists at The Counseling Corner be by your side and lead you to a place of wellness and interpersonal growth. There is no shame in seeking services, but only strength.
This is something we help with often. Whether you are struggling with emotional numbness, relationship challenges, anxiety, stress, trauma, or difficulty understanding your emotions, Somatic Therapy may help you reconnect with yourself and the people you care about most. We also offer individual psychotherapy, child therapy, teen counseling,family counseling, and couples therapy.
The Counseling Corner, serving Orlando and Central Florida since 1998, provides Somatic Therapy, men's counseling, trauma therapy, and anxiety counseling in Orlando, Clermont, Orange City, and through secure telehealth services throughout Florida.
Call 407-843-4968 to get started.
Frequently Asked Questions About Somatic Therapy
Is Somatic Therapy good for men?
Yes. Many men find Somatic Therapy especially helpful because it focuses on body awareness and nervous system regulation rather than requiring immediate emotional disclosure. It can be an effective approach for men who struggle to identify or express emotions.
What does Somatic Therapy help with?
Somatic Therapy may help with:
Emotional suppression
Chronic stress
Anger and irritability
Burnout and Depression
Emotional numbness
Nervous system dysregulation
What is alexithymia?
Alexithymia is a trait that makes it difficult to identify, understand, and express emotions. Many individuals with alexithymia know they are experiencing something emotionally but struggle to find words for it.
Can Somatic Therapy improve relationships?
Yes. As individuals become more aware of their emotions and nervous system responses, communication, emotional availability, vulnerability, and intimacy often improve.
Where can I find Somatic Therapy, men's counseling, or trauma therapy in Orlando?
The Counseling Corner offers Somatic Therapy, men's counseling, trauma therapy, anxiety counseling, and relationship counseling for adults throughout Orlando, Clermont, Orange City, and across Florida through secure telehealth.
Additional Resources
If this article resonated with you, these additional Counseling Corner resources may help you better understand emotional suppression, trauma, nervous system regulation, and Somatic Therapy. Visit our Blog or Real Life Counseling Podcast
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About the Author
Dr. Judith Allen, DSW, LCSW,is the Clinical Director of The Counseling Corner and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 20 years of experience serving individuals, couples, and families throughout Orlando and Central Florida. She specializes in anxiety,trauma,relationships, emotional well-being, and helping clients better understand the connection between the mind, body, and nervous system. Dr. Allen is passionate about helping people move from feeling stuck and overwhelmed to feeling more empowered, connected, and emotionally healthy.
RESOURCES:
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York, New York: Penguin Books.
Fino, F. (December 16, 2020). What is Somatic Therapy? Begin Again Institute,https://beginagaininstitute.com/blog/what-is-somatic-therapy/
Sweeney, E. (Mar 07, 2024). What to Know About Somatic Therapy, According to Therapists, Men’s Health,https://www.menshealth.com/health/a60074008/somatic-therapy/
Jerome, L.W. (January 14, 2026). What Happens When We Push Emotions Down? , Psychology Today,https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-stories-we-tell/202601/what-happens-when-we-push-emotions-down
