Grief Isn’t Just Sadness: How Loss Reshapes Identity and the Nervous System
Summary:
Grief isn’t just about sadness — it’s a complex, deeply personal experience that can shift who we are. What if everything you’ve been told about grief is wrong? In this powerful episode, counseling experts unravel the myths that keep many stuck—like "time heals all wounds" and "strong people grieve quietly." Discover how loss impacts your brain, your body, and your heart, and learn why avoiding grief only prolongs the pain.
Join Dr. Reilly, LCSW, Michelle Buchanan, LMHC, and Ale Rios, RMHCI as they explore how grief manifests in surprising ways—be it funeral losses, mental health struggles, relationship endings, or even the loss of identity. You'll uncover practical insights on managing grief’s physical symptoms, understanding its long-term nature, and recognizing non-standard losses like miscarriage, pet grief, and job loss. Their compassionate discussion reveals that everyone’s grieving process is unique, and there’s no "right" way to do it.
You’ll discover:
Why “time doesn’t heal all wounds” and how resilience comes from genuine adaptation.
The truth about emotional vulnerability and why sharing your pain makes you tougher, not weaker.
How physical sensations like weight on the chest or brain fog are your body’s natural responses to love and loss.
The importance of community and words—finding safe outlets to express feelings, especially when they feel unrecognized or stigmatized.
That grief is a language, and finding the right words or outlet can transform pain into meaning, growth, and renewal.
In a culture that pressures us to move on quietly, what’s at stake if we ignore or hide our grief? The opportunity lies in learning how to grieve healthily, rebuild, and discover life beyond the pain. If you’re navigating a loss—whether recent or decades old—this episode offers vital truths and hope.
Perfect for anyone feeling overwhelmed by loss, caregivers, therapists, or those wanting a deeper understanding of grief’s many faces. Learn how counseling can help you process, find meaning, and move toward healing without shame or guilt.
Don’t let grief define you or diabolically lock you in. Instead, see it as the love persevering, as Dr. Ernie emphasizes. This episode isn’t just insight—it’s an invitation to embrace your journey, find your words, and move toward a life worth grieving for.
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Transcript:
DAVID MORILLO (00:01.494)
Welcome to real life counseling a podcast by the counseling corner. I'm David Morello and I'm sitting in for Ryan Simpson and today We're talking about something many adults experience but few feel prepared for its grief and lost Grief isn't just about sadness. It can show up as exhaustion anxiety anger Numbness or feeling disconnected from yourself and the world around you and for many adults
grief doesn't follow a timeline or the rules that people expected to. In this episode, we're going to challenge some of the common myths about grief, explore how loss can challenge who we are, and talk about what grief counseling actually helps with when life has been fundamentally altered by loss. I'm joined by Dr. Riley. I'm going to start that over again. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.
Ernie (00:55.79)
Really? Dr. Riley's fine? Okay. Okay.
DAVID MORILLO (01:00.026)
I found myself smiling in moments where I don't think I should have been smiling. Yeah, it's like we're talking about people breathing. Should not be smiling about that.
Ernie (01:06.166)
okay.
Ernie (01:11.982)
So let's wait. Let's give a pause for like 10 seconds so Ryan knows to edit.
DAVID MORILLO (01:14.776)
Well, yeah, no, yes. Look at you. You've become quite the producer. Good for you. You know, in films, that's why they use the clapper is so that they know when to
Ale Rios (01:20.489)
you
Ernie (01:28.108)
That's what that's for,
DAVID MORILLO (01:29.858)
It creates a spike in the audio. So it allows people to visually see that something has changed and audibly hear.
Ale Rios (01:36.746)
That makes so much sense. now it all makes sense.
DAVID MORILLO (01:42.434)
So I think we've given him enough time. I think he gets it. Ryan, I'm sorry about that last one. I'm trying to honor your words, Ryan. I hope you hear that. Welcome to Real Life Counseling, a podcast by the Counseling Corner. I'm David Morello and sitting in, I'm sitting in for Ryan. Okay.
DAVID MORILLO (02:05.452)
Welcome to Real Life Counseling, a podcast by the Counseling Corner. I'm David Morillo and I'm sitting in for Ryan Simpson. And today we're talking about something many adults experience, but few feel prepared for. It's grief and loss. Grief isn't just about sadness. It can show up as exhaustion, anxiety, anger, numbness, or feeling disconnected from yourself and ultimately the world around you. And for many adults, grief doesn't follow a timeline.
or the rules people expected to. In this episode, we're going to challenge some of the common myths about grief, explore how loss can change who we are, and talk about what grief counseling actually helps with when life has been fundamentally altered by loss. I'm joined by Dr. Ernie Reilly founder of the Counseling Corner, along with Michelle Buchanan and Ale Rios, counselors who work with adults navigating grief every day.
Let's start by clearing up some of biggest misunderstandings about grief. What grief is not is what we're going to call this segment. And the first myth that we're looking at is time heals all wounds. Michelle, do you mind speaking to that?
Michelle (03:22.109)
Sure, sure. First of all, I guess to start grief is bigger than time. And the loss of your loved one is more than a wound. This phrase, time heals all wounds. I don't know that it really applies oftentimes in the grieving process. now with that being said though, of course, we can notice a physical
change and a physical reduction in the impact of grief over time. There is healing and what's really healing is adapting. We're learning through the process of grief to adapt to the loss, to change. We're looking for changing ourselves really through that process, but it's deeper than a wound.
DAVID MORILLO (04:09.14)
Awesome. Thank you for that. And there's another myth that's kind of prevalent in the space of dealing with grief. And oftentimes it's the statement of if you're still grieving, you're stuck. And, Ale do you have a thought about that?
Ale Rios (04:24.658)
Yeah, my first thought is kind of how grief is not a loss of a loved one flat out. It's any loss that we experience in our lives. So the loss of life, the loss of relationships, the loss of identity, expectations, career. So grieving shows up differently depending on the phase of life that we're in and what it is that we've lost.
I don't think I've ever met somebody who lost someone that they really cared about in childhood. And as they're reaching old age, they go, yeah, I'm done grieving. Grieving is a life long process. It just kind of comes in different phases. And depending on how deep that grief hits us, it's okay to continue to grieve as time goes on.
DAVID MORILLO (04:59.482)
you
Ale Rios (05:13.514)
Sometimes that's why anniversaries of that loss kind of hit us harder as the years go on. Where it's like, I thought I was doing better and then all of a sudden my depression came back. And it's right around the time that I lost this loved one or I lost this part of myself. I lost this ability that I had. So that stuckness, I feel we can give ourselves a little bit of grace when we are feeling a bit stuck.
And if we're feeling stuck for a really long time and we want to get out of that feeling, it's okay to reach out and ask for help from our community, from our loved ones, and even from a therapist.
DAVID MORILLO (05:47.522)
I think it's so powerful because one of the things that I oftentimes find myself sharing with individuals that are going through grief, especially in loss, is that you're about to enter into a whole new world of firsts that you never asked for. First, thanksgivings, first Christmas, first holidays, first anniversaries, first whatever that you never asked for.
And so you've never been there before. And so these emotions, these feelings are going to emerge that you're going to have to process in real time. And sometimes over years, if not dealt with, it happens on a subconscious level. I remember that there were seasons that I just would enter into the fourth quarter and I'd be grieving something that actually was in December. But as soon as I hit September, I'd start feeling a particular kind of way. And I didn't even know because I didn't have words for it.
At the time and so I really appreciate that just you know, it's something that takes time and oftentimes Can be experienced afresh in different ways as seasons of life change Ernie Dr Ernie there's another myth that's out there which kind of eludes kind of go hand-in-hand with this idea is that strong people grieve quietly What's your response to that?
Ernie (07:07.404)
Yeah, a couple, couple of thoughts on that. But first, let me say like the reason we grieve is because things matter. So as you were talking, it just reminded me of like we're grieving because things really do matter. And so like time heals all wounds, as Michelle said, you know, that's really a myth, right? Time doesn't heal all wounds. Healthy grieving helps heal wounds. Healthy grieving does. And as Ale said, grief can look so different.
DAVID MORILLO (07:33.647)
And as Ale said,
Ernie (07:37.13)
so many people and being stuck for a while, that's not abnormal. That's normal. If you're stuck for a long time, it may be that your grieving has gotten a little in a way that you could shift it. There may be some things that you could do differently and you might be able to reach out and get some help. But honoring the fact that grief is there because it matters. So one way that people sometimes don't honor that, right, is they want to be strong.
DAVID MORILLO (08:00.506)
So thank
Mm.
Ernie (08:05.16)
And they believe that strong people grieve quietly, as you were saying. But strong people don't grieve quietly. That's not really what makes grieving grief, right? Loud or quiet, right? It's being in touch with your grief, being aware of your grief. It doesn't, if you think of like, you know, some really tough character in a movie, let's say, I think of, because I'm old, like Clint Eastwood, but it may be like Vin Diesel if you're from a certain generation or some, you know, someone else from a
DAVID MORILLO (08:24.406)
If you think you're liking us, then we're...
Ernie (08:34.028)
different generation, right? The different people. Right, right. That would still be old, but I'm like old, old, right? Right. Yeah. So if you think about that character and you think about one, like, let's say we duplicated that person, we cloned them. And there was one version of that person who just stuffs everything down and isn't able to grieve. You see that, you know, a dead family member and the, or a dead child or something, or, some loss of some significance.
DAVID MORILLO (08:34.138)
That would be old right now too, by the way.
DAVID MORILLO (08:40.378)
Thank
Ernie (09:02.28)
and they just stuff it all down. And now you have the same tough character, but he's able to grieve. Which one's tougher? It seems to me that the one who's able to grieve is actually tougher because he's able to be vulnerable and still tough. So tough isn't about grieving or not grieving. In fact, if anything, grieving, having the ability to grieve makes you tougher because you're acknowledging that something really mattered. So I don't think that that is a true statement that
DAVID MORILLO (09:08.43)
next week.
DAVID MORILLO (09:31.426)
It's strong people.
Ernie (09:31.766)
Strong people grieve quietly, although some people believe that and some people believe less of them or less of their hurt or less of these things somehow makes the world a better place. But I just don't think that's true. When we open up and we share more of ourselves and we're able to connect with those things, we're healthier. We do better. Right. And I think we're actually stronger when we can do that. So I would say that's a, that's a myth for sure.
DAVID MORILLO (09:47.162)
when we open up.
DAVID MORILLO (09:56.653)
one week later.
DAVID MORILLO (10:00.634)
Thank you for sharing that and I think that that one is really important depending too on your cultural geographic location I think sometimes family upbringing Causes a kind of stuff their feelings in a way that's not healthy and they've not had individuals modeling what it looks like to live out vulnerably this this grief is what I believe you're articulating and sharing and so I Know we kind of introduced this in every episode, but I think that that's why counseling
Ernie (10:10.869)
Mm-hmm.
DAVID MORILLO (10:29.368)
Finding a third party that has the skills, the education, the background, the experience to help find words towards that is super helpful because just even the point that you just made about the fact that you're grieving it's because something mattered, I think can free a lot of people from the shame of it and the guilt of it, right? Now that we have a better idea of the truth surrounding grief,
we can start talking about what is actually happening beneath the surface. And so, Michelle, I want you to consider this question and then what kind of, what is this kind of prompt inside of you in terms of reaction? But many adults say that grief doesn't just hurt. It feels like something has shifted within them, like it's changed who they are. Do you find that to be true? And if so, what's going on there?
Michelle (11:22.89)
sure, sure that's an excellent question and I think a lot of people who are grieving feel that way and I would say that yes, something has shifted inside them. In fact, our brain even feels grief. know, sometimes we think about how we feel and we think about our losses but our bodies do encompass these things and hold them inside and so literally the way that our brain functions changes. Different parts of our brain activates in grief actually.
DAVID MORILLO (11:25.242)
question.
DAVID MORILLO (11:39.098)
We can try to find a way to stay.
DAVID MORILLO (11:43.834)
these things.
DAVID MORILLO (11:49.967)
in
Michelle (11:52.657)
So we might find our nucleus accumbens. This is like this little part of the brain that's responsible for kind of interpreting rewards. Well, when let's say we have somebody in our life who spent a great deal, a part of our day-to-day life, there's this reward, right? We're going to come home and we're going to see them. Hey, we get a high and we get a hug. And there's this reward. And our brain says, yes, I'm going to look forward to this. And it appreciates it when it happens. So this part of our brain, we look for that. We crave it. And so
DAVID MORILLO (12:08.122)
Mm.
DAVID MORILLO (12:16.324)
Yeah.
Michelle (12:22.57)
we search for it now this person in our life is gone. If we're talking about a person, let's as an example, and now we've lost that person. So our brain is literally searching, wait, where are you? Where have you been? And then there's our amygdala, which is another part of our brain, which kind of activates when we're anxious. And so our amygdala actually says, hey, look, there's something wrong here. And it activates our body systems all of a sudden.
maybe can't sleep, might have some mood swings. And then it's of course difficult to concentrate. All of a sudden people have brain fog. We hear that sometimes people feel like they can't really think straight and that's such a hard time when sometimes there's a pile of paperwork to get through.
There is sometimes administrative duties when there's been a loss. There's processing of thoughts, right? There's talking to people. How do I respond to the people around me? And so, yes, it's very difficult. Something has absolutely shifted within us. But then, you know, imagine if you really think about it that you've had a routine in your life and this has just been a part of you, right? Let's say you wake up in the morning and you go get your cup of coffee every day.
and this is just what you do and so many of us understand this. It kind of becomes our balance. It becomes a presence in our day. And imagine how simple it would be to just not have your coffee one morning. And yet that would feel off for us. You can imagine that could even kind of throw us off in the day. And so to have something as major as a person that we're grieving, something certainly has shifted in our life and our day to day, but in our brains too.
DAVID MORILLO (14:02.742)
something.
Ernie (14:13.934)
Definitely.
DAVID MORILLO (14:15.642)
Awesome. Dr. Ernie, how does a non-standard grief tend to show up in counseling? And what do people struggle with most when their grief doesn't feel legitimate or recognized by others?
Ernie (14:31.192)
Yeah, I'm so glad you asked that question because we typically think of grief as, you know, like a loved one or something like that. Well, how about when it's a miscarriage? A miscarriage can really hit people quite hard. Or how about when it's a pet and but that pet was maybe the closest person in your life, maybe the only person you ever felt unconditional love from or something like that. And then you lose that pet. That can be super significant.
DAVID MORILLO (14:41.082)
Mm.
DAVID MORILLO (14:52.812)
or love from or something like.
Ernie (14:59.278)
Or how about the grief of a marriage? Or the grief of fidelity in a marriage because someone cheated and something's been stolen from you, it's taken. Those are really hard. Or how about this one? Right now I'm working with quite a few people whose children have committed suicide. And how do you do that? One parent tell me that no one says my child's name.
DAVID MORILLO (15:20.707)
Hmm.
DAVID MORILLO (15:27.727)
Wow.
Ernie (15:28.622)
because of suicide, right? Nobody says their name because people don't know how to deal with that. Or I have three people right now who've lost all jobs after like 25, 30 years with a company, putting their heart and soul into something and then it's taken. Those are all really significant losses that people don't typically think of as grief or they don't know how to navigate through it. So it's typically all the normal stuff that you get with grief.
Right? You're going to have confusion, self-doubt, shame, all sorts of stuff like that. But you're going to have extra shame. You're going to have more quiet hurt. And then you're going to feel like you're going through it alone because there's very few people. I talked to a woman this week and she's and after our conversation, she said, she said, thank you so much. You're the only person I can talk like this about my son with because their son committed suicide. And so she goes through.
DAVID MORILLO (16:26.009)
Mm.
Ernie (16:28.014)
all these hours and hours and days and can't have conversations talking about her child because of suicide. So there's non-standard grief. Those are really, really tough. And so if you know someone who's going through it, try to love them. Ask them what would be most helpful for them. Say, don't really know how to navigate through this. What works for you, what doesn't? That's a lot better than leaving your friend or your loved one.
alone through this grief, or if you're going through it, no, you're not alone. Get a counselor, get a support group. There are a lot of other people that can say your child's name or can realize that 25 years with a company and then just being let go can really hurt or miscarriage can devastate you. Sorry to go so long, but that's just a really important.
DAVID MORILLO (17:20.696)
No, man, I'm so glad you brought that up because I, as we've been talking through this segment, I've been thinking about that, you know, we had only address kind of loss in terms of a physical person in our life, but it shows up in so many different ways. Someone being, you know, you use, Michelle, you use the idea of having a cup of coffee and what if you're so sick that you can't even pour your own cup of coffee? There's a grief to that. That life has just changed, you know? And so there's, this is
Ernie (17:49.954)
Dementia. Dementia is another one.
DAVID MORILLO (17:51.406)
I meant, geez, that's a whole episode, a series of episodes all on its own. And then not only that, but it's how people are responding or reacting to you because of their inability to kind of engage that, which in some ways can re-traumatize and can create additional challenges. And so thank you for bringing all of those different varieties. But as you're listening to this, just know, and this is the hard part about teaching or examples,
Ernie (17:55.406)
Okay. Yeah.
DAVID MORILLO (18:20.78)
is that we want to marry ourselves to the very specific examples and that we believe that our thing doesn't fall within that. No, everything that Ernie was sharing, everything that's been shared today are just examples. It does not minimize what you're going through. And I think that one of the really cool things that Ernie shared was that in the context of a healthy community, people can walk alongside you and help you with that. And then if you don't have that community, you can create a community through counseling.
And so I think that's the importance. I'm so tempted to share stuff. I'm going to share it and then we'll move on. But I was recently at a literacy event and this speaker used this language that I thought was so powerful and it speaks to me about this moment is that everyone is born with language, but they're not born with words. Not everyone's born with words. so grief is a form of language, but you need to find the words.
of that grief in order to work through it. Or else you're just constantly like reacting, constantly reacting and people are reacting to you. And so I'm grateful that some mother is hearing her kids voice through your voice, Ernie. Thank you for the work you do. Thank you, Michelle, for the work you do. Thank you for the work you do and helping people find words to the grief that they're going through. That was a little off ramp.
Ernie (19:46.606)
Powerful one, good one David.
DAVID MORILLO (19:48.122)
So but I I have this question for you. I'll you know people often describe grief as foggy and heavy exhausting and anxiety-provoking Can you explain what's going on there to the best of your ability? That's a big question And it's not going to be solved in a couple of minutes worth of answers, but you can help lead us into that space
Ale Rios (20:05.211)
Yeah.
Ale Rios (20:11.838)
Yeah, without getting into the very, very technical, like the science of it. In simple terms, our mind, our body, our soul, if you believe in that, it's all connected, right? So there's a relationship going on with our thoughts, with our feelings, with the sensations in our body. And I think something Ernie touched on a while ago was how it hurts because we care.
It hurts because it really matters. And there is a show called One Division where they touch on that. They touch on grief. a line from that show that became viral for a bit after it came out was, grief is love persevering. And so when love feels like it has nowhere to go, when the care has nowhere to
DAVID MORILLO (20:47.354)
for this.
DAVID MORILLO (21:00.57)
Can you let that line breathe for a second? I don't want to cut you off. Can you repeat that line for a second? I know it's a script from a movie line, but it resonates so true. And I love the fact that you just used the mervel thing to kind of create an explanation. So do you mind sharing that line once again?
Ale Rios (21:20.424)
Yes, so in the show, the line is grief is love persevering.
DAVID MORILLO (21:26.052)
Hmm.
That's so good. Yeah.
Ale Rios (21:28.83)
And so when it perseveres, no, you're good. When it perseveres, a lot of times if it doesn't have an outlet of expression, it can start to become very heavy. And so our anxiety, our worries, our need to fix, it doesn't know what to do with that feeling. It doesn't know what to do with that grief. And so it can just start to cause physical symptoms. It can start to be more than just.
DAVID MORILLO (21:51.994)
It's interesting.
Ale Rios (21:55.101)
I feel an emptiness. I feel a weight on my chest in my stomach. I feel a weight on my shoulders. A lot of people have said the line, the, I feel an elephant's foot is on my chest. And so these physical sensations are the manifestation of we don't know what to do with these feelings. And something you had touched on earlier, David, you said, sometimes we need the words to express and
DAVID MORILLO (22:07.332)
Mm.
DAVID MORILLO (22:21.422)
Mm.
Ale Rios (22:22.92)
Sometimes it's not even the words that we need, it is simply that expression that we are seeking. A way for this to kind of come out so that we are not just carrying it all on our own. And a lot of times that shows up in relationships. A lot of us heal through relationships. That's why having an outlet to hear your son's name, to hear your son's voice, to hear a loved one, to connect with a passion that you might've lost.
it can feel very healing to reconnect with that when you've lost it. So we can't always connect in ways that we want to, but we can find those outlets of expression in other means.
DAVID MORILLO (23:01.294)
Thank you so much for that. I want to move on to something fairly quick is as we were preparing for this episode, we kept coming across the same hesitations people have about grief counseling. They weren't objections so much as fears or assumptions. And I want to name a few of those and ask each of you to help us understand what's actually true. So as we move through these, if you can help me with a
short concise response to the misconceptions. And the first one I will throw to you, Dr. Ernie, is that grief counseling is just talking about the loss over and over and over again.
Ernie (23:45.442)
Yeah, David, that's certainly some people's fear. It's a common fear. And that's the last thing that they want to do is why would I want to do that? And it's not that grief counseling doesn't talk about the loss. Certainly there's going to have to be some talking about the loss, but it's done with purpose. It's not done just the idea isn't to talk about it, to intensify it. The idea is to talk as needed about it.
And be honest, the people are talking about it in their head all day long anyway. They may be running from it, but it's chasing them. It's right there. And in the quiet moment, it jumps back in. And so it's simply, let's take that and let's learn how to quiet that because we're allowing it space with purpose. In fact, many times in counseling, we'll just have the people schedule a time to grieve.
DAVID MORILLO (24:23.098)
in it.
DAVID MORILLO (24:37.348)
Mm-hmm.
Ernie (24:43.372)
Right? They can take out some photographs because they're grieving all day long, but it's coming out all sorts of sideways, seeping through, or they're hiding from it and they're irritable and they're having all this sort of stuff. But if they actually just take a little bit of time, maybe 30 minutes, an hour, and they grieve, all of that quiet. Now they're feeling more peace, more joy, maybe even able to seep in in certain places and such.
DAVID MORILLO (24:50.34)
Yeah.
DAVID MORILLO (25:01.006)
Mm-hmm.
Ernie (25:10.666)
It absolutely is common for people to fear that. There certainly is a portion that is talking about things, but no more than what's already going on in someone's head. And it's done with purpose to actually help, right? With intention to actually move the person through this process because it matters and because they matter. The person who they lost or the situation that they lost isn't the only thing that matters. It is definitely something that matters.
DAVID MORILLO (25:18.317)
And then.
DAVID MORILLO (25:37.167)
Mm.
Ernie (25:39.992)
But there's also a lot of other things living that, and if you think about what, like, let's use the example of a person, what would they want from you? Most people who are like in hospice care, the last thing they want is people to be stuck in grief. They certainly know that people will grieve, but they want, live life more fully because I was here, because I was in your life, go live life more fully. And grief counseling would be more of that. Sorry, that wasn't brief, but.
DAVID MORILLO (26:02.938)
Mm.
I'll get I've I'm learning to let go So I do have one more for you Michelle is that a Common misconception that we've come across and I know that I've come across several times is that therapy will try to fix me or just make the grief go away which is an interesting framing because
Ernie (26:09.956)
it wasn't important.
Ernie (26:14.702)
Yeah.
DAVID MORILLO (26:34.266)
That notion of the grief going away, but with that being said, what is that prompt inside of you as you think about that?
Michelle (26:41.67)
I want to kind of just come back to what we grieve for a moment, which is we've been talking so much today about death and loss of loved ones and some other losses as well. sometimes people grieve things that they're not really aware of that they're grieving. Sometimes those could look like things that generally the other people in your life might see as positive. So it's even harder to have those conversations and gain supports from others. Some examples of that might be
graduating college.
Boy, don't know about y'all, but I know graduating college can be pretty awesome, right? But some college students, leave and then, wow, but they're missing their friends. They're missing their dorm. They're missing so much about that. And there was this grieving of that, the college life that they had. We think about retirement and we step into our careers after college and we've got retirement plans and we talk about it on an annual basis, even sometimes with our accountants and things like that.
Ernie (27:16.066)
Mm.
Michelle (27:43.263)
Then people sometimes reach that space of retirement and when people are throwing parties somehow they notice this rock in their chest. They notice that they're irritable and maybe they're even lashing out to loved ones. So there can be things that we grieve in our lives that sometimes are a little bit unexpected to the folks around us. And that might be one place where it's so helpful to enter a place of therapy to learn how to navigate that and understand how to have conversations with people
DAVID MORILLO (27:49.786)
See you
DAVID MORILLO (28:10.85)
in that house.
Michelle (28:13.246)
your life who might not understand what does it mean to you that you've had this loss, whatever that loss might be to you because there's only one you. And so I encourage you, gosh, above all things be thine self, right? So be you, bring you into the therapy session and say, wow, there's this thing and I'm wrestling with it and I'm hurting and talk with us about it, not let's fix it, but let's talk about it.
DAVID MORILLO (28:28.44)
Mm.
Michelle (28:41.222)
And then let's make meaning of it because it meant something to the college student to be in college and that's worth looking at. It meant something to have that career that you've had so much success in that you've given, that you've helped people, that you felt effective in that one place where you felt maybe you shined and others shined because you were there too in. So let's make meaning and let's take a look at who you were before that loss. so rather than fixing, I think more we're making meaning.
DAVID MORILLO (28:42.766)
enough because it meant
DAVID MORILLO (28:53.754)
Mm-hmm.
Michelle (29:11.136)
and helping make some adjustments from that.
Ernie (29:14.222)
Good stuff.
DAVID MORILLO (29:14.586)
Thank you so much. Now we're going to be wrapping up and always wanting to make sure that we're giving some very practical takeaways. I think that there was a lot of takeaways in this conversation. However, if we wanted to just kind of like fine points and things, what's one thing you want a grieving adult to remember as we wrap up this conversation? And now I'll start off with you, Ale.
Ale Rios (29:39.295)
The first thing that comes to mind is community. So whether you've gone through grief a million times because you've had a lot of loss in your life or you've had one loss or you might be experiencing a loss soon so that there's that anticipatory grief or it's something in the future that you're worried about, lean on your community. You are worth being well. You are worth feeling complete.
DAVID MORILLO (29:39.61)
Thank
DAVID MORILLO (29:59.77)
Mm.
Ale Rios (30:05.22)
And a lot of times when we isolate ourselves, we can kind of end up drowning. We can feel like we're drowning. And so it's okay to get through those low points. But when you are in those low points, I would really encourage you to find your community. Maybe you haven't found your community yet. Maybe you need to look into support groups, look into reaching out to family, to friends, to colleagues.
DAVID MORILLO (30:08.253)
Thank you.
DAVID MORILLO (30:27.354)
It's good, it's not too bad.
Ale Rios (30:30.9)
Community shows up in different ways, but I would very much encourage people to find what community means to them and lean on those people.
DAVID MORILLO (30:39.18)
Awesome. Michelle, any parting shots there on that?
Michelle (30:44.164)
Sure, sure. Don't fear grief. Don't fear it. You will grieve. I hope that each one of us will grieve because when we do it means something meant a great deal to us. Go through grieving with self-compassion and understanding and attending to your memories and everything that meant so much to you.
DAVID MORILLO (30:56.308)
that something happened in it.
DAVID MORILLO (31:03.725)
and Ernie.
Ernie (31:05.742)
Yeah, I'm thinking about something a professor said to me once. So he said that all relationships, all things end in one of four ways. Either they leave you, you leave them, they die, or you die. So as Michelle was saying that, may we live lives where there are things that matter. So if we're living a life where things matter, we grieve. So may we live a life that is worth grieving things.
DAVID MORILLO (31:19.946)
Cheers.
Ernie (31:36.054)
Now that being said, there are many different ways to grieve. So there's no real correct way. Try to do it in healthy ways. If you start to get stuck, honor that, but maybe find some help so you can move through it. there's no, no way that you're supposed to do this. It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to hurt or, or, or moving through something. We're moving towards something else, something that we didn't choose as you said, David. So,
DAVID MORILLO (32:03.47)
You said
Ernie (32:06.008)
That's what I would leave is that grief is off. Grief, don't be alone. Maybe add that. Don't be alone.
DAVID MORILLO (32:11.545)
Mm.
Yeah. And again, I just want to echo this supplemental thought is that sometimes we don't have healthy community around us. We, just is what it is. Not everyone is, it has the right people around them, but you can choose who to have around you. And these episodes are coming to you by not just counselors that are trying to get clients. These are counselors that deeply care.
about helping people grow and become the best version of who they are. And so if you need to create community, this is a great way to start is through finding a counselor, not only these counselors, but counseling, period, find a group that can help you through this process. And so with that being said, I do want to wrap up this episode and leave some parting thoughts here, which is that grief doesn't mean that you're broken. I think sometimes we feel that way.
But it doesn't mean that you're broken. And it doesn't mean that you're weak. And it doesn't mean that you're doing life wrong. If grief has changed your world or changed who you are, you don't have to carry that alone. At the counseling corner, our counselors support adults through grief and loss with compassion, skill and respect for your pace and your story.
And so again, I want to present this as an idea that if you're in that right now, as you're listening to this, you don't have to stay there. You can learn more about Counseling Corner at counselingcorner.net or call us at 407-843-4968 to schedule grief counseling in Orlando, Claremont, or Orange City, or via telehealth across Florida. So again, you don't have to stay there if you don't want to.
DAVID MORILLO (34:06.84)
And even if you did, it's worth checking out because you might discover that there's additional life on the other side of it. So if this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone that may be grieving quietly. And if you'd like more conversation like this, subscribe to Real Life Counseling on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube. Until next time, take care of yourself and the people you love. Thank you so much for today. You guys were amazing, Michelle.
Ernie (34:33.71)
Thank you David.
Michelle (34:34.864)
Thank you.
Ale Rios (34:34.932)
Thank you so much.