Healthy Holiday Habits (Part 1): How Couples Can Stay Connected & Stress-Free
Summary:
In this episode of Real Life Counseling, Ryan Simpson, Dr. Ernie Reilly, and Michelle Buchanan discuss the challenges couples face during the holiday season. They explore common holiday opinions, relationship stressors, and practical strategies for maintaining healthy connections. The conversation emphasizes the importance of communication, setting boundaries, and creating shared meaning in relationships, especially during the demanding holiday period. If these are things that you and your partner would like an ally, coach, or guide for please visit our marriage and couples counseling services page. We’d be honored to walk with you this season.
Takeaways
Realistic expectations are crucial during the holidays.
Open door policies may not work for all families.
Healthy relationships require boundaries and the ability to say no.
Couples should share the planning and responsibilities during the holidays.
Conflict is a natural part of relationships, especially during the holidays.
Communication is key to navigating holiday stressors.
Creating shared traditions can strengthen relationships.
It's important to prioritize emotional connection and intimacy.
The holidays can reveal underlying relationship issues that need attention.
Taking time for daily check-ins can improve relationship dynamics.
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Transcript:
Ryan Simpson:
Welcome to Real Life Counseling, a podcast by The Counseling Corner. I'm Ryan, and today we're kicking off a special two-part series called Healthy Holiday Habits. In part one, we're talking about something every couple feels this time of year, the stress, expectations, traditions, and emotional load that constrain even strong relationships, and how to build healthier habits that keep you connected instead of overwhelmed. Joining me today are two of our expert counselors, Dr. Ernie Reilly
licensed clinical social worker and founder of the counseling corner and Michelle Buchanan licensed mental health counselor and one of our amazing couples and family specialists Michelle thanks for joining me in our e today
Michelle (02:29.771)
Thank you for having me.
Ryan Simpson (02:31.387)
Absolutely. Let's jump right in. So our first segment, I'm calling holiday opinions true or trouble. I'm going to read a holiday opinion, a common one that I've heard or I've seen or maybe even I hold myself. I won't tell you which ones. And then you can tell me whether that's true and OK or if there might be some trouble or things to watch out for. So I'll read and then I want to hear from both of you if that's OK. Sound good? All right.
Michelle (02:58.213)
Sounds great.
Ernie Reilly (02:58.478)
Sounds good.
Ryan Simpson (03:00.223)
So, opinion number one, Christmas is meant to be magical. Hallmark movies are actually inspiration for reality.
Ernie Reilly (03:10.35)
What do you think, Michelle?
Michelle (03:10.565)
Ooh, might be some space for trouble there. Not really a holiday movie, is it? Most of us don't have video crews and people there with microphones. We are not going by a script. This is real life and we're not characters in a movie, right? We've got so many moving parts each day and through the holidays too. So certainly for trouble.
Realistic expectations is such a great approach to take during the holidays. Look for some great traditions that you and your family find meaningful and know that along the way you're still people.
Ryan Simpson (03:49.735)
Okay, Dr. Ernie, what do you think?
Ernie Reilly (03:50.136)
Most definitely. Yeah, I would say definitely trouble. That's not a good idea. know, if you're comparing your holiday to a Hallmark movie, you're always going to feel like you're failing. Right? Those aren't real. Right? That's just a movie. Right? Just for fun. Real Christmas isn't really perfection. It's resilience. Right? You real Christmas is you get together. Sometimes the dinner gets burned and you laugh about it or...
Sometimes this happens and you joke about it and next year you'll be joking about it, right? So that's not a Hallmark movie, that's real life and real life is much more impressive than a movie.
Ryan Simpson (04:36.233)
Some that I've noticed about a lot of the Christmas movies that people seem to gravitate toward the most anyway are the ones where things do go wrong. And then people end up acknowledging reality and being able to enjoy it together. yeah, Hallmark is a I like Instagram version of Christmas. Okay, number two, the holidays are about family and an open door policy is always best.
Ernie Reilly (04:45.367)
Yeah.
Ernie Reilly (04:58.67)
Yeah.
Michelle (05:08.105)
Again, I would say probably some trouble here. We wanna open our door to our families and our friends, neighbors, any loved ones in our lives, but at the same time, be realistic with ourselves, realistic with Honey, and also, look for healthy relationships, right? Healthy relationships, not just with Honey, but with family members as well. It's going to include some boundaries and some understanding. can't really...
be close to someone if they don't really know us. And a part of them knowing us is going to include some knows of some times. So that might be something for us to take a look at too, being our sincere self with the people that we really want to care about.
Ryan Simpson (05:50.911)
Hmm. Okay. That turn.
Ernie Reilly (05:54.528)
Yeah, so I would say definitely trouble, right, with that. If you made that your it has to be. Some families that works great for, right? So it may not be trouble for some families. That's great. Some families that's not good at all for. Open door policies when relationships are healthy is great. Open door policy when there is addiction, abuse, chronic conflict.
lots of personal attacks, things of that sort, that's just going to be trouble. So we wouldn't want, we'd want to make sure that we understood boundaries. And in those cases, our ability to say no, right, is pretty important in life so that we can say yes lots of times and our yeses matter. So you want your things to matter. You want to say yes when it's a good idea to say yes, but you also have to be willing to say no.
Ryan Simpson (06:33.78)
Okay.
Ryan Simpson (06:42.175)
Mmm.
Ernie Reilly (06:51.17)
so that your yeses do matter and then like Michelle was saying, that way the things can be, you can connect with the people that really do make sense to connect with.
Ryan Simpson (07:02.6)
I love that.
Michelle (07:03.043)
I think also when we can say no to the people we care about and that kind of harbors more of a, kind of normalizes it, right? That sometimes I'm gonna say no and that might help you to personalize less if there's a time they have to say no to you in return. So it kind of might create some good routines in your relationships too.
Ryan Simpson (07:26.035)
This is great. The health of no. What a fun little micro segment. Thanks. I just love that like yes has more meaning when there are nos and nos have more meaning when there is yes. They can't have meeting aside from each other. It's a necessary yin and yang. Okay. Number three, my partner loves the holidays. That's me. So I let them do 90 % of the planning. It's more their thing.
Michelle (07:28.632)
Mmm.
Ernie Reilly (07:30.348)
Hmm.
Ernie Reilly (07:40.076)
Yes, sir.
Michelle (07:52.358)
90 % is a lot. 90 % is a lot. I don't know how much of a partnership that sounds like to me, Ryan. I think that each of us as partners have certain preferences in areas where we do shine, right? Each partner is going to have their spaces where they shine so brightly and it's just so sweet when you can see honey.
Ernie Reilly (07:54.126)
Yeah.
Ryan Simpson (07:54.719)
I agree.
Ryan Simpson (08:10.345)
Mm-hmm.
Michelle (08:17.573)
in those spaces and working on those tasks with joy or energy. But I would say connecting in those spaces, that's very important to understand one another and understand the meaning behind it, right? Are they working on the ornaments and putting ornaments on the tree? Do they need help with it? And just kind of leaning in to them and
and whatever it is that their needs are, ask them, you know, what do you need? Is there something I can do to help you? And when you need help in return, let them know, hey, you know, let's work together as a team and partners.
Ernie Reilly (08:58.742)
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I agree. Right. I would say that if you're doing 90 % or the other person's doing 90%, if your partner's doing 90%, there's a decent chance they may not be enjoying the holiday. They may just be managing the holiday. So you want to, you want to check in and if you, if you think about it this way, if you think about the holidays are ours to make what we want of them, right. Then
If one person wants to do some more of something, because they choose to, because they want to, that's their thing. They really love that, then that's great. They've made it clear, I want to do the cooking or I want to do the such and such. But you really don't want to be a passenger in your own relationship. You want to be a partner in your relationship. You want to be working together. And then you might tag team, certainly couples tag team all the time and do certain pieces. Some pieces they do together, some pieces
he does or she does or this person does or that person does and that's absolutely fine but 90 % sounds like sounds like trouble.
Ryan Simpson (10:03.709)
Yeah, that's a wonderful little snippet right there. Don't become a passenger in your own relationship, your co-pilots. Okay, this will be our last one for this segment. Arguments are just part of the holidays. We expect a good one every year.
Ernie Reilly (10:11.117)
Yeah.
Michelle (10:22.053)
Ooh, yes, maybe. Yes, you might, you might. We are gonna have conflict in relationships. Again, we're not this Hallmark movie, right? So, you know, I expect there could be some conflict along the way. In fact, and the Gottmans have done some research on this and 69 % of problems are perpetual problems for our partners.
Ryan Simpson (10:24.799)
Right.
Ryan Simpson (10:48.543)
Hmm.
Michelle (10:48.623)
They're just, they're sticking around. They're not going anywhere. They just kind of keep showing back up. And the holidays where it is so tradition-based, I think is such an opportunity for those problems to just kind of, you know, reemerge for partners. So what do you do then, right? If there's gonna, you can kind of almost foresee that there could be some conflict, get ready for it. Prepare, we wanna be intentional. Be an intentional partner, be an intentional honey.
Take good care and be mindful of your relationship and your choices in it. What is the problem that's perpetual? Is it the Christmas lights are tangled and, my goodness, we know this is coming up. Get some extra Christmas lights before Christmas comes, right? Kind of set the stage so you can have some success. What escalates? Is there something that happens around these problems that come up that escalate some hurt feelings or some intensity of some pretty difficult or tough emotions?
And then also, ask yourself, what's the elixir for it? What brings you back together? What kind of builds that warmth? And how can you kind of reduce the intensity of that hurt? And maybe actually create a little bit of warmth between the two of you around something. Have some laughter, right? Something that might've been a conflict, maybe eventually, maybe not in the moment, but maybe eventually could be a little joke between the two of you.
Ryan Simpson (12:13.843)
lot of good in there. Dr. what do think?
Ernie Reilly (12:14.19)
Yeah, would just tag on to that. You don't want to try to be the Hallmark movie and expect that everything is just going to be perfect and there's not going to be any conflict. You don't want that. But you also don't want to march into the holidays expecting a fight, looking for a fight, bracing for a fight, bracing for an argument. What if this year were different? What if we shoot for
Ryan Simpson (12:36.402)
Mm-hmm.
Ernie Reilly (12:41.74)
doing things in much healthier ways. like Michelle was just gave a whole bunch of great ideas of things that you could do differently. So I would say go in hopeful, right? Try to set clear, clearer boundaries, communicate better, have a plan.
try to do it without having to blow up. And if you have one, hey, you know what, if you ask my kids, what do you do when you fall down, or why do we fall down, they'll tell you to learn how to get back up. They learned that since they were little, right? So we want to be resilient. Resilient is ability to bounce back. We want to have the ability to communicate about issues. And sometimes that can be tense. But let's not march into the holidays expecting an argument. But let's also not expect perfection.
We're humans, we're gonna have things that there's gonna be tense moments and little pieces where we have to have some maybe a serious discussion or something like that.
Ryan Simpson (13:42.141)
Yeah, I definitely have found myself as honestly as as I was preparing for this episode was thinking about when am I my ever walking in expecting a fight like knowing this is okay, this is something that things set off and I just become more offendable, you know. And I think the holidays absolutely bring that to the table, especially when family, you know, comes into the so if you can go in knowing where those buttons are and ready with the
Ernie Reilly (14:01.921)
Yeah.
Ryan Simpson (14:12.287)
I like that the the elixir right what makes that what makes that feel better maybe get it on ahead of time it can reduce it all together so all right that was really fun thank you so much and there's a lot of good in there I wish we could spend more time on all of them but we have a lot more to cover so I want to do have some deeper dive questions that I'd love to hear your expert thoughts on they will likely tag on to some of the stuff that we just talked about anyway so my first question is for you Michelle as a
marriage and family therapist. What is the top relationship stressor you see couples running into during the holidays? And why does it catch people off guard?
Michelle (14:56.449)
Well, really the stressor is part of an underlying need for communication. I think really what ends up being a stressor for partners is not having that connection through really clear, warm communication, time with one another. They haven't maybe taken time to prioritize their relationship. They get busy, right? So people get busy around the holidays and start to tend to
menus and gift buying and lists of cards and all of those things, which nice as they are, we need to talk to Honey about those things. you know, I encourage partners to take time, have little check-ins every day, communicate with each other just through warmth and sharing on a daily basis. And then maybe even a week, a weekly meeting, just like a little check-in meeting to go through all of the details. We run our businesses that way, right? And
We have meetings for things that matter. We can even write an agenda, take notes. I encourage my couples to take notes and write things down. Oftentimes it can help us. Set an alarm or a reminder on your phone so you don't have to remember it. Make it easy. Why not make things easy on yourself or for honey? But just starting those little connections.
Ryan Simpson (16:13.94)
Yeah.
Michelle (16:19.161)
together and communicating about the details but also about just what is it that you're looking forward to, what do you appreciate about honey, can be helpful.
Ernie Reilly (16:29.43)
Michelle, what would you say you see the most in the communication patterns that tend to get worse? Like, know, like pursuer distance error, like what sort of patterns do you see that tend to really get bad in the holiday season?
Michelle (16:44.255)
sure, well sometimes people become defensive, right? And so when I see one of my partners kind of feel shut down and you just kind of, they'll become quiet, they'll leave, they'll walk away, they'll stop talking, they just kind of stop sharing with honey. And the other partner feels alone, right? They feel like they've been left out or left behind. And now they walk away from this interaction feeling very disjointed and weird honey go, right? So one honey is escalated, the other one feels
kind of left out and behind. yeah, that's one pattern I noticed. How about you?
Ernie Reilly (17:19.758)
Yeah, I see a lot of that as well. Yeah, for me, one of the things I see is that people want to be seen, right? They want to be appreciated, right? And they want to feel like a team. You know, there can be some emotional safety type issues that are going on because a lot of childhood issues can, especially if you're going back to extended family or you're bringing in an extended family, all of a sudden, I mean, in like an instant, you can be back to
a childhood thing, right? Between a sibling or the parent, the parent always treats this child this way or something like that. So that can disrupt all sorts of emotional dynamics and communication can go pretty wonky.
Michelle (18:06.703)
Yes, I sure can.
Ryan Simpson (18:11.721)
Well, that was fantastic. Thank you. I love watching experts talk to experts because it gets such an insight into, know, the what's really going on in the minds of counselors and helps us see ourselves a lot better. So I want to jump into segment three. I want to get more of your reactions to real holiday marriage scenarios that I've either experienced personally or my friends and family have. I'd love to get your perspectives on.
those things as you hear them. So the first scenario is that we argue every year about splitting time between families. Both of our families have holiday traditions. We're newly married. We've been together for five years and both of our parents came with traditions and we argue about which ones to participate in and how much time to spend. And it's the same argument every year. We never really seem to solve it. So
Love to get your reactions to that. I'm starting with you, Dr. Ernie.
Ernie Reilly (19:12.91)
Yeah, so when you see that, oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes, it really is about the person feeling like they matter. Everybody wants to feel like they matter. And so they want to feel like their family matters, their parents matter, their aunt and uncle who are really special to them, they matter. So usually that's just about people wanting to make sure that, you know, they wanting to feel like they matter. And so usually if you all decide together,
You talk through it and both people put some extra effort in to say, what matters to you here? What's important to you? Now, sometimes it's the opposite. Sometimes the last thing someone wants to do is spend time around their family. They want to spend time around the other family or something like that. And then there's negotiating, figuring out how do we do that while still connecting, right? Or helping the kids still have a relationship to some degree with their grandparents on the other side or something like that.
Ryan Simpson (19:59.742)
Mm-hmm.
Michelle (20:13.281)
sure, sure, right in there, right in there. Get closer to honey, right? The closer that you are, the more you might understand why that tradition means so much to them. Asking them key questions, know, why is it that that means so much to you? Do you have a specific memory about that tradition or where did that come from? Did that come from a certain family member who means a lot to you?
You know, even asking about their past and how it related to them and their future. Sometimes when people are growing up, when they're young, right, they have these hopes and dreams of the future. And they might even think of how they can incorporate these traditions with their own family when they're adults. So maybe even ask Connie, you know, hey, when you were a kid and used to do this tradition with your family, did you look forward to doing that as an adult too? What did you picture that to be like? You know, or how can I be a part of that?
When you think of us together in that tradition and doing this with the kiddos or doing this with other people in our lives, how do you see me as a part of that? So what a great chance to just get to know Honeymoore too.
Ryan Simpson (21:19.901)
Love that. Okay, next scenario. We have a large family, large internal and extended family, and a lot of friends, we are blessed with a big community. But we end up going broke and into debt every year, just to make everyone happy and participate in everything, get the gifts that we feel like we need to. And it is a stressor.
Michelle (21:39.904)
Michelle (21:52.131)
Ernie Reilly (21:52.236)
Yes. Yeah. So one thought on that is that to some degree, think about it this way. You're not really going broke to make others happy. You're more you're going broke to try to avoid disappointing them. And that's more like people pleasing. So you want to make them happy. Absolutely. So I don't want to overstate that. But if you think about it, sometimes it's really, I don't want to feel bad that they're disappointed in some way or they
They didn't get everything that they wanted. I want to try to make this magical. But it really isn't about that stuff. That's not what makes it magical. I don't think back, like for my childhood, maybe you're different, but I could probably only tell you a few gifts that I got throughout the years as a child. I mean, I could name some. There's some things that I remember, but it was mainly because I just spent lots of time playing with that. And what I really remember is the enjoyment of playing with it.
playing with those toys or that item. But it really isn't about getting them everything they could possibly want. Think about it as, I really want this to be a special time together. And sometimes doing less is more. So, you know, not that we wanted to do way less, right? You know, where you're not giving, you know, anything. But you really want it to be about, I love you, I enjoy you.
I wanted to give you something that says that, and that's really what matters.
Ryan Simpson (23:24.415)
Michelle, anything you want to add?
Michelle (23:24.997)
Beautiful. my gosh, how could I follow up on that one? That was beautiful.
Ryan Simpson (23:31.913)
Great. All right. Well, next scenario. It's the holidays. So one of us tries to keep the peace. We don't want to argue. We just try to do whatever keeps the peace. But the other one tells that one to stop tiptoeing and just be straight up with what's going on. And that seems to be the dynamic that we have during the holidays often.
Michelle (23:59.142)
Well, I hear some people pleasing in that, right? Too. Very similarly to some of the gift giving. Sometimes there's that, know, gosh, am I gonna do enough for this person? Or, you know, I wanna keep the peace, I want things to be okay. So I encourage you to kind of be cautious with chronic people pleasing. And instead, what you wanna do is turn to connection, ways that you can connect. You know, look at the, I guess it's more of a stocking half full.
instead of a stocking half empty scenario of, you know, what am I doing to connect with our family? What are we doing to show them that we love them and that we are wanting to have there be peace in the family and some goodness around us? What can we do? So again, that's, kind of, I guess we come back to our communication, right? Maybe set some specifics with honey of ways that you can communicate with family members and, you know, maintain some goodness in the relationship and see that the half fullness of
Ryan Simpson (24:31.647)
Hmm.
Ernie Reilly (25:00.298)
Yeah, I would add that one of the things that we were talking about a little bit ago, Ryan, is Michelle and I were talking about the pursuer-distancer pattern. So you see that a lot. So there's usually one person who's pursuing and they feel like we have to talk, we have to communicate, we have to get real, we have to work on this. And the reason they're doing that is because they want the relationship to be healthy and work and...
Ryan Simpson (25:11.283)
Yeah, you mentioned that.
Ernie Reilly (25:26.686)
And to solve things and such right they want it to go well The distance er though is avoiding that Be for almost the same reason. I don't want it to go badly. It's just the flip It's the flip version of it. So one I want it to go well We need to work on this to go. Well, the other one is fearful. It's gonna go badly So they're avoiding so you get the distance er and you know the pursuer and the distance er so all we
Ryan Simpson (25:37.321)
same reasons.
Ernie Reilly (25:55.468)
You know, in that question, I hear a little bit of that as well. Sometimes it can be, you know, let's just talk about this and it can be like, let's be careful about this. And both, both people are right. They're both also kind of wrong, but they're both, they're both right. So if they, if they understand, Hey, we can talk about stuff, we can work through stuff and we can also pause when we need to. Some people learn that, Hey, if I don't pause.
Ryan Simpson (26:03.892)
Mm-hmm.
Ryan Simpson (26:12.169)
Sure.
Ernie Reilly (26:22.794)
I end up saying something or doing something that really is damaging and then I just can't, can't take it back. So I really need the ability to pause. But the other person needs that pauser, that person who pauses to be committed to returning, to return and work through the issues. So I would say that that was a common dynamic that we see.
Ryan Simpson (26:43.059)
That's.
Ryan Simpson (26:46.867)
that dynamic is something actually that I didn't even realize until probably this year existed in my marriage where I'm actually a distancer. And my wife is a pursuer. And we got some really good advice actually from some friends who had a similar dynamic, where the pursuer asked the distancer, Hey, I just need your honesty, even to your detriment. So even if you're concerned that this might go poorly,
I need you to be honest because the pursuer committed to grace and said, I will create a safe space for you to be honest, if you will be courageous and be honest with me and we'll work through it. And we started applying some of that and it's been really meaningful for us and actually has allowed us to step into the holidays a little bit in a more healthy spot because of that. So it's, it's a little affirming to hear that that's a common dynamic. We're not alone, but that it can be done healthily. Yeah. Yeah.
Michelle (27:36.805)
Wow, that's great.
Ernie Reilly (27:41.774)
Yes, you're not alone.
Michelle (27:42.871)
No, you're not.
Ryan Simpson (27:46.513)
Okay, last one. We love each other, but the holidays just seem to bring out the worst in us.
Michelle (27:55.342)
I love how that starts. We love each other. That's a beautiful start. Let's, right? Let's start with that. And, you know, kind of, you know, we love each other. Continue loving each other. Continue making your relationship a priority. You know, set some routines for connection. Three, five to 15 minute conversation each day.
Ryan Simpson (27:59.082)
Right.
Ernie Reilly (27:59.469)
Thank
Michelle (28:24.089)
You know, ensure that there is some sort of a physical intimacy to each day between the two of you, sexual or non-sexual, but find time to be together physically, give each other hugs and maybe, you know, a three-breath hug, right? Just really stay. Imagine that, three-breath hug. You stay with honey, be with them, and just feel that person who does love you so much and want to share that day with you. Let yourself
relax into them and feel them relax into you. What a great space to just kind of find that emotional safety and emotional connection and giving grace to them, have a positive perspective of honey. Remember that each morning, right? I had gone to, actually it was a mediation seminar years ago, but I met this woman there and she and her husband had just, they were just so cute. It was a couple of weeks long.
And kept seeing them day in and day out. And I asked them, said, you know, what's your secret? What's up here? Because you all are too cute. You all are, you know, clearly you're so close. And they shared with me that back some years ago, they had gone through a difficulty. And after that, they decided that each morning when they wake up, before their feet touch the ground, they want to share something they're grateful for toward each other. And they continue that as a routine and ritual of connection for themselves.
Ernie Reilly (29:29.294)
you
Michelle (29:51.366)
so that each morning when they can, that when they're waking up at the same time and that's how their day is getting started off, there they are. Honey, I just want to share something I'm really thankful to you for. So just keep that gratitude for honey going. Express it. Express it to them.
Ernie Reilly (30:07.586)
Yeah, I would say Ryan, that's wonderful, Michelle. And I would say, Ryan, that what tends to be happening during the holidays is that you're running on empty, expecting full capacity. So your holidays are demanding more than you have the ability to give at that point. And so sometimes what we need to do is if we haven't put things in place like Michelle is talking about,
Ryan Simpson (30:20.959)
Hmm.
Ernie Reilly (30:34.326)
then we're not going to have that ability to recoup or refill that tank. So the tank is emptying and we're not refilling. We need to refill because you know the holidays are going to drain it. The other things you can do is set some boundaries, set some limits so you're not doing so much. That's like driving more reasonably or more reasonable speed so you're not burning the fuel quite as quick.
do a little less, right? And get more by doing less. And then you can also put in the healthy habits that Michelle was talking about that actually help refill those tanks.
Ryan Simpson (31:16.575)
That's great. And there's a lot of really good stuff there just in that last chunk from both of you, practical habits, practical tools, ones that I'm probably going to go give a shot later. So thank you for that. I appreciate that. All right. So we are running out of time. So I want to jump into our last segment, the main takeaway. I want each of you to just give one idea. So if a couple listening today could just take one idea from today to either hold us as
Ernie Reilly (31:28.728)
Awesome.
Ryan Simpson (31:45.563)
truth in their heart or a new habit that they absolutely must do, what would you want that one thing to be? And Michelle, we'll start with you.
Michelle (31:55.558)
I have a long list of them, but one I guess would be to create shared meaning. know, create one tradition or, you know, one experience with Honey that you set out to want to remember. Focus on them, put down the phone, turn off the TV. You know, just, you know, guards on the eyes, right? I'm just here with you, Honey. And we're just, I'm just going to pay attention to you. Flirt.
Ryan Simpson (31:57.972)
Yep.
Michelle (32:22.659)
Be silly, talk, don't forget to be lively and enjoy life with each other, right? You're gonna be there for a long time with honey, you might as well enjoy it. So, you know, I would say to create some sort of a meaning that you can hold onto together.
Ryan Simpson (32:37.407)
Thank you. That's wonderful. Aderne.
Ernie Reilly (32:38.158)
Perfect, Yeah, and I would, let me just take, since she covered that, so well, let me take it just a different angle. I would say that one thing I would want you to remember is that the holidays don't break good relationships. They just reveal what needs attention. So there's things that need attention. And so when you see that coming up, those are just data points to let us know, we need to, that's something we need to pay attention to. That's something we need to work on. We need to put something in place.
to help that work better. So how often do you sit down and make sure you do it? Every couple should do this at the end of the day. If you have that ability is do a check-in. Where's your heart? What's happened? What was your favorite part of the day? What was the hardest part of the day? Right. You can add in during the holidays. What are you most excited about with the holidays? Where are you feeling the burn? Right. Where, what, can I help with? What, what could we do on a one to 10 scale? Where are you?
What could we do to make that one or two notches better? What would it look like if it was really good? Those are great questions to ask at the end of the day. So during the holidays, if you're seeing tension, just see it as, OK, those are data points to let us know these are things that we can do things about. And sometimes that might mean going in and getting couples counseling, family counseling. Sometimes that might mean just putting a few interventions in place just to help relieve the pressure or.
Ryan Simpson (33:40.872)
Mm-hmm.
Ernie Reilly (34:07.096)
help you connect. That's what I would say.
Ryan Simpson (34:11.071)
Great. All right, well, thank you so much. Let me talk to our listeners real quick. I just want to say thank you for joining us for part one of Healthy Habits. If you want guidance or support navigating this season as a couple, you can visit us at counselingcorner.net or give us a call to schedule with Dr. Reilly or Michelle directly and take on what these holidays have for you. There's lots of goodness that can come in your relationship from doing the work together in the season.
Be sure to listen to part two though where we talk about healthy holiday habits for families, helping kids, parents, and households thrive in the season together. Thanks so much for listening. Subscribe wherever you listen. We're on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or anywhere you get your podcasts. Be sure to follow us on social media or share this episode with a couple who is going through it perhaps this holiday season, but they don't have to go through it alone. You can support them, we can support them, and together we can all have a good holiday.
So thank you, Dr. Ernie. Thank you, Michelle. It was good to talk to you. I'll see you on the next episode.
Ernie Reilly (35:11.342)
All right, thank you, Ryan.
Michelle (35:11.589)
Thanks so much for Ryan.