Is My Child’s Behavior Normal? Signs You Should Consider Therapy
Show notes:
In this episode of Real Life Counseling, Ryan talks with Dr. Ernie Reilly, LCSW, Amanda Riendeau, LMHC and Andreina Bello, LMHC from The Counseling Corner about a question many parents ask: Is my child’s behavior normal, or is it a sign they may need therapy?
The conversation explores common concerns like big meltdowns, clinginess, stomach aches before school, sudden withdrawal, emotional outbursts, bedwetting, panic, perfectionism, and behavior changes after stressful events. The team explains how parents can use five practical filters — frequency, intensity, duration, daily functioning, and change from baseline — to better understand what their child’s behavior may be communicating.
This episode also gives parents a clear look at what child therapy, play therapy, and therapy for kids can actually look like. Rather than being a punishment or a sign that something is “wrong,” therapy can give children a safe, age-appropriate way to express feelings through conversation, play, art, movement, and connection.
Key Takeaways:
Not all child behavior is a problem to fix; sometimes behavior is a signal to understand.
Parents should compare a child’s behavior to that child’s normal baseline, not to siblings or other kids.
The five helpful filters are frequency, intensity, duration, functioning, and change from baseline.
Physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches before school can sometimes point to stress or anxiety.
Long tantrums, major behavior shifts, panic symptoms, or changes that affect school, sleep, eating, friendships, or home life may be worth exploring with a therapist.
Child therapy often involves both the parent and child, especially in the first session.
Play therapy helps kids communicate feelings they may not have the words to explain yet.
Therapy for kids is not punishment; it is support for the child and the family.
Parents can start by connecting before correcting and getting curious about what the behavior may be saying.
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Transcript:
Ryan Simpson (01:52.042)
Welcome to Real Life Counseling, a podcast by the Counseling Corner. I'm Ryan and I'm here with Dr. Ernie Reilly, founder of the Counseling Corner, along with Amanda Rindow and Andrena Bello from the Counseling Corner team. If you're a parent, you've probably asked this question before. Is this normal or should I be worried? Maybe your child is having huge meltdowns, acting out at school, suddenly shutting down, getting extra clingy, having trouble sleeping or just seeming different or off lately.
And it's confusing because some of that is just part of growing up. And some of it might be your child trying to tell you something. Here's the key. Not all behavior is a problem to fix. Sometimes it's a signal to understand. It can be really hard to know what's just a phase, what's personality, what's stress, and what might be a sign your child needs extra support. So today, we're talking about how to tell when a child's behavior is within the range of normal and when it may be time to consider therapy. We're going to move quickly.
keep this practical and help you breathe a little easier while also giving clarity on what to watch for. So let's jump in. Good evening, everybody. Everybody have a good day today.
Dr. Ernie (02:59.274)
Yes sir, how you doing Ryan?
Amanda Riendeau (02:59.98)
Awesome.
Andreina (03:00.345)
Yes.
Ryan Simpson (03:01.525)
Perfect. All right. Let's get into our first segment. The first segment is called normal, phase, or red flag. I'm gonna throw out a few situations that parents deal with all the time, and I want you to help us sort them into one of three buckets. Probably normal, bucket one. Bucket two, maybe worth watching. And then bucket three, likely worth exploring. So not as a diagnosis, but more of just a practical guide to help parents maybe get a little grounded.
and start developing a framework for how to think about the child's behavior or interactions. So scenario one, this one's for Amanda. My five-year-old has big meltdowns when routines change. Take it away.
Amanda Riendeau (03:44.868)
Hmm, well, to put it in one of those buckets, I would say it might actually spill over a little. So I would say worth watching, but could also be normal. They have to think about their age and how they can share their feelings and what that looks like for them.
Andreina (04:05.731)
Yes, I would watch on like how long it lasts. If it's like over 30 or 45 minutes, then I would definitely be paying attention even if it's, you know, if they don't calm down even with support.
Ryan Simpson (04:26.396)
Okay. Dr. Arne, did you want to add anything?
Dr. Ernie (04:30.626)
No, I think they got that pretty good. You'd pay attention to it, but if it's frequent, if it's intense, especially if the duration is really long, as you increase those things, you're going to want to pay more attention.
Ryan Simpson (04:48.766)
Got it. Okay, great. So scenario two then. My 10 year old used to be social and now wants to be alone all the time.
Andreina (05:00.453)
Yeah, I would say, you know, that change stands out. When a kid shifts from how they usually are, I would want to understand why.
Amanda Riendeau (05:16.165)
For sure, and I kind of agree. And I also want to add, right again, this is when, again, where it might spill over a little bit when Dr. Riley is talking about intensity, frequency, and how much it's changed. We also have to keep in mind, 10-year-olds are starting to get into that developmental stage where they may want to spend more time alone. And they're starting that shift from focus from family to focus with their friends. So maybe normal, but certainly worth keeping an eye on.
Dr. Ernie (05:47.79)
Yeah, I agree. I think that that can be very normal. It could also be something that we start to have some concern if it's out of the ordinary, if it's a big change, if it doesn't fit with other things, right? Or if there's other things that are concerning that it does fit with, then we might want to pay more attention.
Ryan Simpson (06:09.745)
Okay, we didn't we didn't talk about this ahead of time but I am curious if we change the age in this scenario from a 10 year old to a 16 year old Right in the thrills of teenager hood
Does that change the way any of you might think about this scenario?
Andreina (06:28.677)
Yes, definitely. Well, it still has to do with change, like change in the environment. You know, would pay attention, still watch what's going on. If, you know, a lot of the times it's like peers. At that age, it has to do more with social behavior.
Dr. Ernie (06:51.246)
Yeah, I'd say a 16-year-old, you're going to see a lot of that anyway. And so a kid that may have been social as a little kid may all of a sudden become a lot less social as a 16-year-old. Again, you're going to look for how significant is it. Is it fitting with other things? Is it not fitting with other things? The things that it's fitting with, are they concerning or are they not concerning?
Ryan Simpson (06:57.159)
Mm-hmm.
Ryan Simpson (07:15.741)
Got it, okay. Yeah, I think we're maybe gonna dive into, I see a framework growing as you answer these scenarios. So, scenario three, my child is suddenly getting stomach aches before school. Dr. Ernie, can you leave on this one?
Dr. Ernie (07:32.92)
Sure. Yeah, so if a child's having physical symptoms right before something like school or maybe let's say practice or a transition perhaps at all, like with, you know, going to a different home or something like that, we can, we would certainly look to see what's beneath that. Because a lot of times the body is expressing something that the child doesn't yet have words for. So when the child is suddenly having stomach aches before school,
We don't just treat it as a medical issue. We start to look also and start asking what their body might be trying to say That pattern may get gets attention not because something's wrong, but because it often points to stress perhaps anxiety Something happening in the environment that they haven't been able to express yet
Ryan Simpson (08:09.426)
Mm.
Amanda Riendeau (08:24.997)
think Ernie kind of encapsulated everything that I feel like all of us would kind of be saying, right, stomachaches or headaches, saying that they don't feel well in general, right? That would be something we would probably want to watch because again, that's pointing to maybe they don't have the words or an understanding of what's happening in their body to say, hey, something's making me feel uncomfortable. Something is making me feel
an increased level of stress. And if they don't have those words yet or a full understanding of what those mean, this might be their way of saying, hey, something's up and we need to figure it out.
Ryan Simpson (09:06.322)
Okay.
So I think you mentioned headaches and stomach aches. Are there any other physical symptoms that parents may be looking for that may be projecting anxiety within the child?
Amanda Riendeau (09:22.531)
Ooh, I'll probably let Andrina talk about a few of those. Those are definitely the most common. Headaches, stomach aches are definitely the most common.
Ryan Simpson (09:28.1)
Okay.
Andreina (09:31.298)
Right. Like Amanda was saying, children, they don't have the words to express a lot of what's happening inside. So they express their anxiety through their body. their communication, they communicate their feelings through the body. So if they have stomach aches, headaches, anything, but.
What I can mostly think about is like stomachaches. I get a lot of children in therapy that the physician sends them for stomachaches and there's nothing wrong with them, physically wrong. Yes.
Ryan Simpson (10:13.915)
Yeah, it's a version of the gut feeling.
Amanda Riendeau (10:18.437)
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Ernie (10:18.55)
Yes. Yeah, another thing that we'd look for, it's not maybe as much somatic as it may be just changes in, now you've got a kid who used to be pretty easygoing and they're short tempered, they're snappy, they're reacting. Again, we're not talking about maybe a 16-year-old that's doing that in normal adolescence, but if we're talking about a child that wouldn't normally be that, so changes in temperament mood type issues as well.
Andreina (10:18.626)
haha
Ryan Simpson (10:46.537)
Okay, okay. Great, so then scenario four, our last one. Amanda, if you can lead out, that'd be great. The scenario is, my child is more emotional than other kids their age.
Amanda Riendeau (10:59.823)
Hmm. So in the bucket category, right? Again, I think this could kind of spill over into maybe all three kind of okay, maybe watch and definitely we need to watch again, more emotional from where, right? More emotional than other kids their age would suggest the kiddo wasn't quite as emotional before. And so that would be something that we might want to.
Andreina (11:03.978)
Thank
Amanda Riendeau (11:28.281)
dive into and kind of explore a little bit to see what's changed, what's different, what might be going on in the home or at school or with their friends at sports teams to see if we can get to the bottom of that.
Dr. Ernie (11:45.774)
Ryan, if it's just that the child is more emotional and they always have been, right? Some kids are just naturally more emotional. That's not a problem. Temperament is real. Some kids just feel things more deeply. What matters is whether those emotions are getting in the way of daily life. Is it impacting their functioning? What we pay attention to is whether their emotions are starting to impact their ability to function. So being more emotional.
Ryan Simpson (11:54.032)
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Ernie (12:14.784)
isn't necessarily a problem at all. It may just be temperament. But if they haven't been, like Amanda was saying, then that could be concerning if all of a sudden their emotions are changing quite a bit.
Ryan Simpson (12:26.681)
Okay. All right, I got it. what I'm hearing is a common theme. I'm hearing some consistent, we're looking for a specific thing. We're looking for changes in baseline. There's a lot of comparison that goes on. I feel like there's a filter, right? And that you guys use when you're potential clients, right? Or potential families that need some help. So I'd really love if we could.
dive into that filter for the parents listening. So maybe they can start to look at what is happening before them with the same eye to know, hey, it might be time to get some help or this is something worth watching. So Dr. Ernie, can you help us break down the first three of the five filters?
Dr. Ernie (13:16.686)
Sure, sure. So Ryan, are five filters that we tend to look at that you could have more, but these are five that we frequently look at. One is frequency, one is intensity, and one is duration. And the other two would be function or baseline, but I'll just go through the first three because they're pretty closely tied. So you're looking at how frequent do the things occur, right? Either the good behavior or the bad behavior. In this case, we'd be looking at problematic behavior.
How frequent is the problematic behavior occurring? How intense is it? How significantly intense is it? And then what is the duration? We want to pay attention to all three of those things. Kids are going to have big feelings, and we expect them to recover. If they don't recover and their duration is taking forever, that's a problem. We expect there to be some intensity with issues, but with the intensity, it doesn't match at all.
the issues is way more significant, that's an indicator of something else is going on. Or if the frequency is just way higher. We are looking at sometimes it can be 10 times a day, sometimes it can be once a day, once a week, once a month. It depends on the circumstances how significant the frequency would be. As a side note, we also look at those things in therapy to see how the kids are progressing.
Ryan Simpson (14:15.815)
Okay. Okay.
Dr. Ernie (14:43.106)
Progress in one of those areas is still progress. Let's say you just decrease the frequency. It happens very rarely, but it's still pretty intense and it still lasts pretty long. That's still significant because we want to get all three down, but it certainly is progress. If we decrease frequency and maybe duration, they happen rarely. When they do happen, they're still intense, but the duration, the bounce back is pretty quick. That's something we're looking for.
Ryan Simpson (14:45.282)
Mm-hmm.
Ryan Simpson (15:13.526)
Got it. Okay. I have a selfish question. cause my, three year old is firmly in the meltdown phase, at this point. And you mentioned the bounce back period. How long does that take? So I was curious, is there a standard expectation of how long a bounce back is before it becomes like, Hey, this is taking a while.
Dr. Ernie (15:37.356)
Yes, so with a three-year-old, right, and usually we call it the terrible twos, but the terrible twos are usually about two and a half to three and a half. Yep. And so that is not unusual. So it's fitting developmentally. So that wouldn't be that significant. If it's happening, you know, about everything, and then it's also super intense, intensity is going to be with a three-year-old. It's going to be intense because they feel kind of all or nothing.
Ryan Simpson (15:52.076)
Mm-hmm.
Ryan Simpson (16:06.285)
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Ernie (16:06.964)
their emotional, their ability to regulate their emotions. It's on or it's off usually. And so the duration though, if it's happening for a long time, usually a three-year-old is going to wear themselves out. So it's not going to be too long, but some kids can hang in there pretty long. Andreina, do you have any thoughts on that?
Andreina (16:27.907)
Yeah, yeah, like I mentioned at the beginning, normally it's like 30 to 45 minutes I would start, you know, watching what's going on, what changes in the environment, you know, and if it's not responding to, you know, the soothing of the parent or somebody who's, you know, caretaking them.
Ryan Simpson (16:50.699)
Okay, I think it's helpful to have that benchmark just to know. Thankfully, we're not quite there, but I have some friends, right, who were all in the same season and we're all comparing notes and some kids are endurance athletes, you could say, in the situation.
Dr. Ernie (17:03.896)
Yes. So you definitely want to pay attention to the frequency, the intensity, and the duration. But then there are two other filters that you'll want to look at as well.
Ryan Simpson (17:14.443)
Yeah, Amanda, can you tell us what filter four is?
Amanda Riendeau (17:17.081)
Yes. So filter four is related to function. So we talked, I think all of us have kind of touched base a little bit on the fact that not only does it have to be intense for, you know, an extended period of time, we're seeing how they bounce back, what's happening, what's changing. And what that change is relating to is how they're functioning in their environments. So how is what's going on impacting school, their home environment?
their interactions with their peers? Is it leading to other concerns for maybe they're not sleeping or they're oversleeping, under or overeating? Are we seeing a significant change in like their self-confidence? Those are all kinds of things that we're gonna wanna be looking at and saying, hmm, what is all of these other check marks? And then it's happening in maybe one environment.
or it's happening in multiple environments. That would tell me, right, we're spilling maybe into more of the bucket of we probably want to keep an eye on this and maybe get somebody else's opinion.
Ryan Simpson (18:28.853)
Got it. Okay.
So filter four, daily functioning, how is it impacting everyday life? And then, Andrea, can you give us the fifth one?
Andreina (18:37.921)
Yes, definitely. The fifth one would be the change from baseline. So that's huge. Parents usually know their children, their child, and they will come to therapy saying, you know, this isn't like they're not being themselves. This is not like them regularly. And that matters because you want to compare the child to themselves.
You don't want to compare the child to other children. Everybody has a different developmental stage and different reactions.
Ryan Simpson (19:10.486)
Mm.
Ryan Simpson (19:16.087)
Can you say that last sentence again, just to really hammer that home? That feels very important and maybe I need to hear that too.
Andreina (19:22.723)
that you need to compare the child to themselves, not to other children.
Ryan Simpson (19:30.91)
Not to the other kids, Ryan.
Amanda Riendeau (19:33.837)
including their siblings, might we add.
Dr. Ernie (19:34.126)
Yes. Right. It's the same thing with like, oh, yeah, it's the same thing with athletics. Right. So if an athlete is comparing themselves with all the other athletes, it's a lot better when an athlete compares themselves to their own progress. I have these benchmarks. I'm working towards these things. Right. When you can't control the others, right, you can only control your, your work, right. Towards your stuff. So with an athlete, they're, they really want to focus on that.
Andreina (19:35.799)
right.
Ryan Simpson (19:36.469)
Hahaha
Dr. Ernie (20:01.518)
with a parent, you want to focus also on your child, how your child is doing given their baseline. And baseline just means their normal functioning, how they're doing with that. Are they functioning about what they normally do? Or are they doing much better? Or are they doing much worse? Now, that doesn't mean we don't also look at norms and we also don't look at is the child somewhat within a range of things. But we really want to pay attention to that.
Ryan Simpson (20:16.181)
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Ernie (20:31.448)
that baseline.
Ryan Simpson (20:33.58)
Okay. All right, so I want to read these back, make sure I got them right. Frequency, intensity, duration, functioning, and change from baseline. That's our five filters. The other one will work all the time. Great. Okay, so segment three then, let's see if we can apply some of this. I'm gonna call it the parent gut check game. The parent gut check game. I'm going to give you short parent situations. You tell me.
Dr. Ernie (20:45.966)
Yeah, those are pretty good filters.
Ryan Simpson (21:03.083)
lean in, watch, or call. So I'm going to say the word and then you just give me one line. Bad wedding, Andrina.
Andreina (21:19.106)
Watch.
Ryan Simpson (21:21.203)
Okay, aggression after co-parent visits.
Andreina (21:25.907)
on call.
Ryan Simpson (21:28.021)
Okay, Amanda, would you say call to you?
Amanda Riendeau (21:31.974)
call who would be my question. Call us. I would say honestly that could go both ways. I would say aggression after co-parent visits or transitions like that might be worth a call to us here at counseling quarter, but might also be worth a call to the other parent to see if again using the filter, see if we can find out if that's across settings.
Ryan Simpson (21:34.801)
sorry, call us, call Counseling Corps, call support.
Ryan Simpson (21:59.825)
Hmm, okay. That's a-
Dr. Ernie (22:01.72)
Yeah, Ryan, each of these is sort of going to probably have some nuances like bedwetting. If the child is really young, that may be completely normal. That may be their baseline. Usually when we're referring to bedwetting, we're usually referring to that after they are dry, right? They have a season of dry and now they're going back to bedwetting. That would be something more to watch and say, wonder why that's occurring. Right, scratch your head, try to figure out.
Ryan Simpson (22:26.4)
Got it.
Dr. Ernie (22:28.482)
with aggression after co-parenting, you'd certainly at least want to scratch your head and see, are we having high conflict in our co-parenting situation? Am I doing something or the other spouse doing something that's maybe causing that to be produced a little bit? Because sometimes we can do things that we're not intending to do, or maybe intentional, but usually not intentional, that could produce that. So we'd want to watch that. And if it's happening a lot, then certainly what Andorino.
Ryan Simpson (22:51.114)
Okay. you
Dr. Ernie (22:58.424)
was mentioning is we want to call and say, OK, let's get someone to help us because that really the child should be joyful going back and forth. Although keep in mind, children aren't designed for divorce. They're not designed for co-parenting situations. That's not ideal. So some stress, if all of a sudden you had to move homes every few days and get all your stuff and move right after you got settled in, you might also have some
some transition time, you know, upsetness.
Ryan Simpson (23:32.694)
Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, feel free to add nuance. We'll adjust the rules of the game. Team or pre-team panic and perfectionism.
Andreina (23:44.556)
call.
Ryan Simpson (23:46.184)
Yeah, okay, so I was that's interesting. Why is that a call right away?
Andreina (23:50.626)
Well, right away, would say, you know, panic perfectionism, know, sometimes.
If the child is having like panic attacks, if you know, it would be worth a call. mean, if say, if I was a parent, you know, you want a second opinion, you want to maybe there's something the child doesn't want to share with the parent, you know, and maybe added support. Not that there's anything wrong, you know, with therapy. The more support, the better, you know? So it's, I would definitely call.
Ryan Simpson (24:15.465)
Mmm.
Ryan Simpson (24:25.968)
Yeah.
Andreina (24:29.918)
in perfectionism, know, maybe if there's something else going on that we can get guidance on.
Ryan Simpson (24:37.159)
Yeah, I think that the panic is a really obvious flag. Yeah.
Dr. Ernie (24:40.972)
Yeah, it depends on what you mean by panic. If you're talking panic attacks, right, tied with perfectionism, then you probably, it may be above most people's pay grades sort of thing. Like they may be like, hey, I need to get a little extra help on this. I'm not a specialist in this particular area. And you want to do it right. If you're talking about the child is just really wanting to do well on a test or on a particular event, know, their athletic achievement or something like that.
Ryan Simpson (24:52.637)
Hmm
Dr. Ernie (25:10.72)
and they're stressing, and you're talking more stress than panic, that's pretty normal.
Ryan Simpson (25:15.503)
Mmm. Yeah. Okay. The child becomes clingy after a scary event.
Amanda Riendeau (25:24.517)
I would say if we're going to use our filters, we're going to say lean in. If by lean in we're meaning, right, be there to support. Again, is this out of the norm that they are scared by something that they saw or a movie or these days it seems like video games are pretty scary, right? And suddenly they're becoming clingy, right? But we also want to be watchful as a parent. What is it that they're being
Andreina (25:25.982)
Leave.
Ryan Simpson (25:34.323)
Mm-hmm.
Amanda Riendeau (25:53.636)
Right? Subjected to. What are they watching on YouTube? What kind of video games are they playing? Do we know what they're into? Or is it something else? Because if it's something else that's scary and they're suddenly becoming clingy, that might be worth a call.
Ryan Simpson (26:11.709)
Got it. Okay.
Dr. Ernie (26:12.822)
Yeah, Ryan, what type of scary event are we talking about here?
Ryan Simpson (26:17.34)
Yeah, I mean, I guess it could be a range. It could be they watched Alien too early, right? Like me. That was me. That happened to me. Or it could be like a lockdown drill at school. I've heard that one a lot.
Andreina (26:23.413)
Yeah.
Amanda Riendeau (26:24.239)
That would be scary.
Amanda Riendeau (26:31.278)
Is it?
Dr. Ernie (26:32.43)
Yeah. Yeah. And so the next question also would be is how clingy are they clingy for like, you know, a few, few minutes or a half, you know, a half an hour, an hour, or, you know, part of a day or something. Maybe that's might be they bounce back pretty quickly and you don't see any residual from that. That's less concerning if they're clingy and it's been days and they're still clingy from that lockdown drill.
or they're continuing to have issues from the movie that they watch way too early, developmentally inappropriate for them to watch, that would be more concerning.
Andreina (27:10.569)
I guess I would, sorry, and to add, I would, in those cases about the calls, I would pay attention to the intensity and the duration of, say, in this case, the clinginess, for example, or the panic, so intensity and duration.
Ryan Simpson (27:10.684)
Got it.
Ryan Simpson (27:29.04)
Mm-hmm.
Ryan Simpson (27:34.312)
Yeah, so that's where we can pull out our five filter cards and start asking the right questions. Okay, last one. And I think we know the answer to this one based on the conversation we already had. 45 plus minute tantrums.
Amanda Riendeau (27:48.239)
We can probably say that in unison, right?
Dr. Ernie (27:49.134)
And that's more likely to be maybe something we're wanting to call or certainly lean into at least. Right. If that's happening often, you don't want to just ignore 45 minutes is pretty, pretty significant period of time.
Ryan Simpson (28:02.524)
Yeah, I can only imagine. Goodness. Well, for a parent who's listening to this conversation and thinking, maybe they recognize a few of these scenarios that we've talked through, or they're starting to recognize their kid in some of this, and they're thinking, maybe I should look into this. Maybe I should do this. I'd really love to find out more from you as the experts what happens next when they do reach out. So Amanda, can you tell me what a first session with
a child therapist would really look like for the child and the parent.
Amanda Riendeau (28:35.941)
Sure. think we probably, potentially might all do this a little bit differently, but especially with the younger kids. So we're talking like, I would say maybe 14 and under, maybe 12 and under depending on the comfort of like a teenager. I would say what happens in my first session is both the child and the parent will come in to session to kind of give me the perspective from both sides. One,
Andreina (28:45.631)
Thank
Amanda Riendeau (29:05.413)
It's nice for the kid to hear, hey, as mom, I'm super concerned. This is what I'm seeing. This is what I'm feeling like might be happening in this space. And then the kid has an opportunity to fill in some of the gaps. That first session is also what we call an intake session. That's probably way too detailed. But anyway, we take pretty much a whole history of the family, what the kids do for fun.
how they have been doing in school, what's anything related to previous experiences with therapy or medications or health concerns or medical conditions that we might also be dealing with. That first one's kind of like an interview to get a whole picture of what's going on as well as where the family or the kiddo's coming from.
Ryan Simpson (29:55.408)
Okay, great. Question for you, Andrina, though. If a child maybe doesn't want to talk, how can you still help them?
Andreina (30:05.41)
Well, as therapists, we don't rely on children, kids, teenagers sitting in an office therapy session just to talk, especially for a whole hour. They don't have the attention span for that. So we use like play, art, you know, in order to understand them and in order to build rapport in ways that feel natural for them.
Ryan Simpson (30:19.687)
Mm.
Ryan Simpson (30:36.058)
Got it, so you're actually like on the ground playing games with them and interacting with them almost in a normal way and gleaning information out of that interaction. Got it, okay. Dr. Ernie, what do parents maybe misunderstand often about child therapy or play therapy? Because that might be a new concept for somebody listening.
Andreina (30:40.138)
yeah.
Andreina (30:46.409)
Of course, yes.
Dr. Ernie (31:00.662)
Yeah, probably one of the biggest misconceptions, probably one of the biggest misconceptions is that therapy is some kind of maybe punishment or it means something is wrong with the child or that they're broken or they're damaged or they're in trouble or something like that. Yet that's not at all what therapy is about. Therapy isn't punishment, it's support. It's a place where kids can express what they don't have words for.
Ryan Simpson (31:19.216)
Hmm.
Dr. Ernie (31:30.466)
where they may have just a few words for. It's a place where a child can feel safe, they can feel understood and express what's going on in a way that actually fits with their age, like Andreada was saying. Because kids don't always have the words, they communicate through their play, through their behavior, through their art, through their movement, through their body language. Also, just as important, parents are part of the process. That's important for a parent to...
Ryan Simpson (31:58.118)
Mm.
Dr. Ernie (31:59.948)
Remember, we're looking together to support the child in the session and at home. therapy isn't about fixing a child. It's about understanding them more, right? Helping them feel safer and more capable in their world, right? And let's face it, sometimes the world can be a pretty difficult place, right? So especially for a child.
Ryan Simpson (32:21.926)
Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. Thank you for giving us a little peek behind the curtain there. We are running out of time. Come to the end of our conversation tonight. So I'd love to make this really practical and give parents something to try this week. So if a parent is worried about their child's behavior, what's one thing I'd love to hear from each of you? One thing that they should do this week and one thing they should stop doing as well. Dr. Ernie, can you start us?
Dr. Ernie (32:51.992)
Sure, Something every parent can try tonight is to always try to connect before you correct. Turn off the individual electronic distraction devices, all the electronic things, and connect. Also, maybe try side-by-side connecting. For instance, taking a walk, driving together while you're working on something, connecting while you're working on something, or while the lights are dim.
Right, when they're putting them to bed, that's a great time. Kids will oftentimes open up and connect. You know, sometimes you can even, like if your child's having trouble with something, give them a pair of sunglasses to wear. And all of a sudden they feel safer because you don't have that intensity of that direct eye contact. So we usually always have a pair of sunglasses in a playroom so that the kids can put those on if they need to. And oh.
Ryan Simpson (33:39.524)
Hmm.
Dr. Ernie (33:47.406)
This can sometimes feel direct eye contact. It can feel really intense for a child. And if you're wondering if something's worth calling us, pay attention then to what we've been talking about, the frequency, the intensity, the duration, how it's impacting function, what's their normal functioning, their baseline. So those are things you can start tonight. You can connect before you correct. You can try all sorts of side by side connecting or face to face connecting, eye to eye.
Try it all and and then if you're noticing issues with frequency intensity duration and function and baseline give us a call
Ryan Simpson (34:26.498)
That's great. Okay, Amanda.
Amanda Riendeau (34:30.021)
I would say don't doubt yourself as a parent.
At the end of the day, you're the expert of your time. If something doesn't seem right, maybe it isn't. And so to kind of piggyback, right, give us a call. You come in, we can help figure out what's happening, if anything, and provide some options on how to make things easier or how to communicate better. Do Since Ernie brought up going for a walk,
Something that I will often have parents practice with their kiddos when they come to see me is we do mirror emotions. Very easy where we'll say somebody picks an emotion and we practice making the faces at each other. like emojis. So if you have the poop face emoji, then it might be your tongue is out and you're doing the wiggle, right?
Ryan Simpson (35:14.788)
you Okay.
Amanda Riendeau (35:29.221)
showing and practicing what those emotions feel like, what they sound like, what our faces do when all of those happen. It's kind of fun and it gets kids practicing how to express them.
Ryan Simpson (35:46.115)
That's, I feel like that would be really fun game just to pull out even around the dinner table or in like a lunch time to make it fun. We are unfortunately almost out of time. So, Andrea, can you give us the last one, bring us home?
Dr. Ernie (35:56.411)
You want to play that game now, Ryan?
Amanda Riendeau (36:01.632)
Hehehehehe
Andreina (36:05.396)
Yes, just briefly, know, do get curious before you correct and try to understand what the behavior of your child is telling you. And don't jump straight to punishment without understanding what's underneath.
Ryan Simpson (36:25.027)
Yeah, behavior as a signal, Okay, well thank you everybody. I want to talk to our listeners now. A lot of child behavior is really part of growing up. Kids, as we've learned to know, have big feelings and they go through phases. They respond to stress in messy ways sometimes. But sometimes behavior is doing more than just testing boundaries. Sometimes it's communicating pain, fear, overwhelm, or a need for support.
Andreina (36:28.416)
Yes.
Ryan Simpson (36:53.283)
If your child's behavior has changed, intensified, or started affecting everyday life, it may be worth paying closer attention to. And getting help doesn't mean you failed as a parent. Often it means you're paying attention early, and that can make a big difference. If today's episode raised questions for you, the Counseling Corner is here to help. You can learn more about child therapy, play therapy, and family counseling at CounselingCorner.net. Also, if this episode helped you, please share it with another parent and subscribe to Real Life Counseling.
Thank you, Dr. Ernie. Thank you, Amanda. Andreina, it was good to see you. We'll talk again soon.
Dr. Ernie (37:26.606)
Thank you, Ryan.